I love music. It reaches deep down into parts of me I sometimes forget exist. On the rare occasions I do think to turn on some music, I feel transported, alive, and in touch with my emotions.
My mother was a singer my whole life and I shied away from it, convinced I wasn’t as good as she was and that I shouldn’t even try. I don’t know where that came from. In fact, she often forced me to sing in public when I didn’t want to; insisting that I was good and I had a duty to God to perform.
I’m getting curious about this as I write it. I wonder why I shut myself off from music like that. Why did I stop learning guitar and singing when music is clearly something my soul loves?
Am I being stubborn? Am I wounded? What is causing this dissonance?
I hope to overcome this. I may not be restringing my guitar or singing in a coffee shop anytime soon — but I will be more mindful about listening and feeling music.
I’ll tell Alexa to play me something as I cook or clean. I’ll listen to concentration music as I write. I’ll sing along in the car like I used to. I’ll start using my voice again and rediscover the styles of music I like. For me.
We may not always know why we stop doing the things that we like or that make us feel like us. We don’t have to. We just need to step toward the things that are part of who we are. Discovering ourselves and embracing who we are is part of healing.
What’s something that makes you feel alive and what’s your relationship to it?
I challenge you to get curious with me. Get in touch with that part of you again and let the healing vibes wash over you.
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